Hiring a Nanny and Understanding Your Role as an EmployeR
Hiring a Nanny and Understanding Your Role as an Employer
Hiring a nanny ushers your family into a new season of life. Along with your working relationship, you enter a time of trusted support for your children and yourself. You can now rely on an extra pair of hands to protect your children, enrich their lives with meaningful experiences, provide dependable support, and partner with you in maintaining a well-run household.
With this added benefit to your daily life comes a responsibility: knowing how to approach your role as an employer when hiring a nanny.
You are now the employer of your nanny, and unlike most workplaces, there is no human resources department to step in when questions or challenges arise.
While we are always here as a touchpoint for you and your nanny, our ultimate goal is to empower you to fill the role of employer with confidence and knowledge. While your employment agreement sets the guidelines for expectations between you and your nanny from the start, there may be times when misalignment arises beyond those initial guidelines.
In those moments, a thoughtful and constructive conversation with your nanny can help get everyone back on the same page while maintaining a healthy working relationship.
Parents are responsible for setting expectations, providing direction, and leading the working relationship. Using the following guiding principles will help set the conversation up for success.
Present your nanny with feedback promptly. Holding on to information for too long could build resentment and reduce the relevance of your feedback. Input and observations may be more easily received with clear, recent examples that you can point to as opposed to “out of the blue” commentary.
Provide explicit instruction on how you would like things done differently. Measurable goals are always easier to achieve. Prepare to back up your reasoning with your “why”. For example, “My partner and I see a lot of success when we give our child two snack choices rather than engaging in a power struggle over what is being offered for a snack. It would mean a lot to us if you could try it this way. That way, our child will have clear, consistent expectations from all of us”.
Sandwich your feedback with praise. “I love how much thought you put into meal and snack times. Nutrition is clearly very important to you, and of course, to us. So, it really means a lot to know we’re on the same page about that. I’ve found that behaviors are reduced when they’re offered choices. We trust that they are getting healthy meals from you, so it’s okay to not be so strict about snacks”.
Oftentimes, nannies are acting on their idea of what is correct or what they predict you would expect of them. Most misunderstandings are coachable if you’re willing to communicate exactly what it is you would like to see from them. Our goal is that the nanny receives the feedback well, and you can all move forward as a caregiving team that is on the same page.
Unlike in a traditional work environment, policies are not being quietly set behind the scenes. Clarity, structure, and leadership come directly from you. This doesn't need to be overly formal; it just means being thoughtful and proactive. Especially in the first few weeks, it’s normal (and encouraged) for parents to be more hands-on. A new nanny is not only learning about your children, but also the rhythm of your household. For example, how mornings unfold, what matters most to you, and the small details that make your house feel like home.
Direct training from parents, and when possible from a past caregiver, can be incredibly valuable in helping a nanny get up to speed quickly and confidently.
Before your nanny’s first day, it’s valuable to set aside time to think through your household “rules,” routines, and expectations. This might include everything from screen time guidelines and discipline philosophies to how snacks are handled, what “light tidying” really means in your home, or how you prefer communication during the day. Having these expectations clearly outlined from the start removes guesswork and allows your nanny to do their job to the best of their ability.
Most nannies are intentionally careful not to step on parents’ toes, especially in a new role. They are often operating from past training and experience unless told otherwise, and many will default to what has worked well in previous households. If parents have specific methods, preferences, or non-negotiables they want followed, those need to be clearly communicated from the start rather than assumed. Your nanny wants to aid in the seamless operation of your household and provide consistency for your children. Letting them know your preferences does not suggest they are doing something wrong; rather, it gives them the tools to fulfill their duties. When parents lead with clarity and openness, it creates a strong foundation of trust, mutual respect, and shared goals. The result is not only a smoother transition, but a more confident nanny and a more supported family.
The best nannies bring a growth mindset to their work and genuinely want to collaborate, learn, and follow a family’s lead. But even the most intuitive nanny doesn’t know your house and your children, the way you do. And of course, you can’t predict and plan for every scenario that may arise.
Clear direction and mutual willingness to communicate allow your nanny to fulfill their role with confidence. Open communication throughout your working relationship prevents frustration on both sides and reinforces a healthy dynamic where expectations are shared, feedback is welcome, and no one is left guessing.
Ultimately, a successful nanny–family relationship is built on intentional, ongoing communication rooted in trust and clarity. Taking the time to reflect on your parenting philosophies, household rules, and non-negotiables before hiring (and revisiting them as your family evolves) sets everyone up for success. When feedback is shared promptly, clearly, and with respect, and when it’s supported by the “why” behind your choices, it becomes a tool for alignment rather than correction.
Your nanny isn’t expected to read your mind; they rely on your leadership to understand what matters most in your home. By leading with openness, consistency, and thoughtful guidance, you create a partnership where your nanny feels confident, your children experience continuity, and your household functions as a truly collaborative caregiving team.
Welcome to Sommet Nannies, a nanny agency with presence in Boston, Chicago, Washington DC, New York, and nationwide. We help busy families find dedicated and caring college-educated nannies.
● If you enjoyed this article, you might also like ‘How Boston Parents Find the Best Childcare Using a Nanny Agency’.
● If you’re a family interested in learning more about our nanny services, head over here.
● If you’re a nanny looking for a new family to work with, you can apply to become a Sommet Nanny.